


beautiful world

by HEARTSLABYUL



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HEARTSLABYUL/pseuds/HEARTSLABYUL
Summary: The world is black and white until you meet your soulmate.Alvin contemplates Jude being his soulmate. It makes so much sense, that he remembers the sudden dizzying burst of color, of sparkling ocean, and naive fear. When the truth begins to settle in the pit of his stomach, he has to steal away to vomit, tears stinging his eyes.
Relationships: Alvin/Jude Mathis
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	beautiful world

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 

**i.**

The world remained monochrome when he met Presa. Alvin supposes that's why it was so easy to turn his back on her in favor of money and ease. She wasn't the one, there was no point in pursuing her; Alvin was constantly short on time and had no tenderness or sympathy to spare.

The night he realizes this, the night before he sells her out, she tells him she swears she sees something other than black and white and grey. All she has to do is look hard enough. Alvin chuckles, rolls her on top of him, and playfully tells her to keep telling herself that.

**ii.**

When the world bursts into white, and then into an overwhelming vividness that comes at him suddenly, Alvin's first instinct is to stumble away, back turned to the ocean, refusing to meet the source of this brand new world. That's what this is going to be, a brand new world. Alvin doesn't want to have to adapt to yet another world not meant for him. He just wants to stay where it's safe.

He hears the beginnings of a fight, and Alvin contemplates the possibility of his soulmate being Lord Maxwell. He hopes this is impossible; he doesn't know the rules of these sorts of things, so even though he's seen her once before, it could very well be the case.

Alvin doesn't falter though. He swoops in, scoops this small and light boy that he takes an instant shine to in his arms, and they jump onto the ship. They crash into Lord Maxwell, and he just laughs and rubs his head.

**iii.**

He never asks Milla about the colors, about the vividness and detail he can see now. There's depth and brightness and *nothing is grey, everything is so beautiful and unlike anything he's ever known.*

He doesn't want to hear the answer. He doesn't let the possibility affect him and his objective.

**iv.**

Alvin finds it curious and a little funny that Jude is so trusting of him, that he takes every opportunity to be alone with him. Jude is clingy when it comes to Milla, certainly, but the way he latches onto Alvin is different. Sometimes it's awkward. He acts like a girl in love or something, all pressed knees and red cheeks and self-deprecating laughter when he realizes he's said something silly.

Other times there's something Alvin doesn't understand. It reminds him of anger, but he knows that isn't it. It's like a mix of upset and intrigue and disappointment, as if he is expecting something and longing for it.

Alvin contemplates Jude being his soulmate. It makes so much sense that he remembers the sudden dizzying burst of color, of sparkling ocean and naive fear. When the truth begins to settle in the pit of his stomach, he has to steal away to vomit, tears stinging his eyes.

**v.**

Jude confronts him one night.

"You remember when we first met, right?"

Alvin nods, hands folded behind his head. He turns to look at Jude. "Yeah. Why?"

Jude is silent for a few beats before turning his face into his pillow and averting his gaze.

"Nevermind."

Alvin contemplates pressing it for all of a few seconds before saying to hell with it, Jude trusts him and he trusts Jude. Maybe he can return the favor somehow. Maybe he can strengthen Jude's delusion a bit.

"C'mon," Alvin coaxes, turning onto his side and watching Jude with a crooked smile. "Your secret's safe with me."

Jude shakes his head. "It's stupid. And anyway... I realized I'm not ready to talk about it. Sorry."

Alvin is surprisingly not disappointed, so he gives a noncommittal shrug before rolling onto his back.

"Suit yourself."

Jude's eyes linger on him until they turn the lights off. That lost, longing look never leaves his face.

**vi.**

Milla dies. Alvin feels his stomach sink as she begins to disappear, but for some reason the world still remains bright and vivid, her death remains all too clear. He wonders if everything is supposed to go back to black and white. He wonders why that isn't happening.

He looks to his side to see Jude, agonized, dying along with Milla. The world takes a dark tinge to it.

**vii.**

Part of him is a little resentful of Jude because Alvin is convinced he loves Milla despite the boy never mentioning anything about color. Maybe that's why he watches him the way he does, because he's jealous that her and Alvin are soulmates. How would he know though, Alvin wonders, because Milla has never said anything about it either. Alvin even sometimes forgets that she might be the source of all this painful brightness.

His gun is pointed at Jude's temple when things start clicking into place.

**viii.**

Milla isn't his soulmate. He knows that now.

**ix.**

"Even if she isn't the one who makes me see color," Jude says breathlessly as he clutches the lapels of Alvin's coat. "I still believe in her. I still believed in her mission every step of the way."

Alvin feels himself become sick, and he wants to wrap his arms around Jude's little middle and bury his face in his neck and beg for the world's end.

"You're not the only one who feels that way," Alvin murmurs defeatedly. "I thought she was the one who made me see things in color. All this time, I thought..."

Jude's expression softens, and despite the dirt clinging to his cheeks and the swelling beginning to color his temple, he looks gentle and kind and bright. The world becomes monochrome again for a moment, but Jude is still in color. He's so bright it makes Alvin's eyes hurt.

"Is that why you were after us? Is that why--"

Alvin shoves Jude off of him.

"I can't do this."

Jude begins to make sense of things, but he's still confused. Maybe he doesn't want to believe it either.

"Why does it have to be you?" Alvin grits out.

"Alvin," Jude pleads. He doesn't know what he's asking for, but he wants *something* that Alvin is convinced he can't give him.

"No."

Alvin stumbles away, leaving Jude sitting among the leaves with no one but Leia. He wonders if the color of her blood reminds her of the girl that she knows is her one and only.

**x.**

Things are sort of okay after that.

**xi.**

It's just like the first time Jude tried breaching the topic of their once-colorless worlds. They're laying in inn beds, not really facing each other.

"For a little while, I thought maybe it was a mistake. That Milla should have been the one to make me see the world this way," Jude says, pensive.

Alvin snorts.

"I thought the same thing. That she was the one who made me see."

Jude does turn on his side to watch Alvin with a small smile.

"But as soon as you saved me, I knew it was you."

Alvin gives a wry smile. "I gotta admit, too much was going on so I wasn't really focusing on you. Pretty rotten, right?"

Jude shakes his head, though his smile turns chiding. "It's not. Saving me couldn't have been easy."

A beat of silence passes.

"If you knew, then why didn't you say anything?" Alvin asks, voice quiet.

"I wanted you to say something first," Jude professes, turning his cheek into his pillow. "I didn't think you wanted me, so I just..."

Alvin hums in thought.

"I guess we were both in denial in a way. Great start to a relationship, right?"

Jude smiles despite Alvin's words.

"I'm glad it's you," he says, watching Alvin with a tender, red-cheeked smile. "You might not be, but I am."

"I never said I wasn't happy it was you."

Jude watches Alvin, his happy smile easing into an expression of sadness. "What will it take to make you feel okay? To help you trust not just me, but everyone else?"

Alvin doesn't know what to say.

"I've always wanted you to be happy, Alvin," Jude finishes.

"I don't know what to tell you," Alvin says with a sigh, reproachful and defeated.

Jude manages a small smile. "I'll do whatever it takes to help you see, okay?"

"You don't have to do that, Jude."

"Of course I do," Jude says with a small smile.

**xii.**

"Just because we're soulmates doesn't mean we need to do anything about it," Alvin says one night. He'd been particularly distant all day.

Jude frowns. "What are you talking about, Alvin?"

"You keep going through all this trouble, you keep trusting me even though I keep screwing up-- what are you getting out of this besides a headache?"

"I'm doing this because I love you, Alvin," Jude says firmly.

Alvin turns away.

"Enough with that. Just because we're soulmates doesn't mean that's how it's gotta be."

"I've always loved you," Jude says quietly.

**xiii.**

Jude keeps trying and trying and trying, and he continues to love Alvin with all his might. Eventually, Alvin begins to see what Jude means about trusting others, about trusting himself. Jude begins to show him what it means to be happy.

**xiv.**

"Hey," Alvin says while running a hand up Jude's bare back.

Jude hums in response and cants his gaze up to Alvin's.

Alvin is quiet for a moment before he gives Jude a squeeze.

"Love you," he says.

Jude smiles softly.

"I love you too."


End file.
